i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
