No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
