Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
