I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
