Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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