My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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