So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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