He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
