I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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