Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
