I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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