I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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