You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
