If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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