I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
