I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
