Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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