things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
