I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
