That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry about my life...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
