i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
