I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
