just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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