I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
