The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
