Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
