dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
