well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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