My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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