i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize