not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
