the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
