You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My vagina just clenched in fear
I currently don't understand fingers.
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