Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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