Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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