Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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