even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
