smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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