Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
