I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
