As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
operation harelip BJ is a go
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
