You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
