Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
