the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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