I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
