My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
