Jerry, you need to find god
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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