i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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