I smell stomach acid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
