bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
