My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
