We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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