I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
