how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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