i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
this beer tastes like vomit already
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The air was thick with penises
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
