conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
