Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
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it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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