I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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