Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
