If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
