So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
