Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize