You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
