1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My hand turned me down
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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