apparently the secret to your success is patron
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
