I accidentally burped into my bong.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
