she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
