I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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