If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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