I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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